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With the pantry reorganized and the Hunger Awareness Week behind me, I decided to go ahead and do an inventory ofthe freezers, then cleaned and restocked the fridge. After not shopping during the hunger challenge my produce was in a pretty sorry state and I also rid myself of a few things that had gotten lost in our cheese drawer round about last summer sometime (I need a bigger cheese drawer so things don’t get buried or pushed into back corners!) but the waste from the fridge wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d feared. My kitchen stores are in such a state that if Gordon Elliott were to pop round for an episode of Doorknock Dinners he and his chefs would be fixing me quite the meal indeed. HA!
One handy little habit I’m cultivating is to use a magnetic notepad on the fridge to write down pantry items as they get used up. No longer will I end up with three jars of cumin because I remembered that I used it but can’t remember that I bought a replacement, or conversely forget time and time again that I’ve used the last of an ingredient but keep forgetting to buy a replacement. I’ve used the notepad technique on and off for a few years and encourage Chris and Kate to leave their requests on the list as well but under the current, reorganized pantry the notepad system seems to be working much more smoothly than in the past.
I’m pleased to say that I’ve replicated my success with the “Old Reliable” French Bread recipe and have produced yet more edible bread for the family. This may become a regular routine, at least as long as the price of flour and yeast remains a fraction of the price of “artisan” breads at the grocery store. I started buying bakery bread when I was doing my research into high fructose corn syrup and discovered it was in everything, including our grocery store bread.
I’ve tried three new recipes this week with good results. Two I pulled from my copy of the Cooking Light Annual 2010, one I pulled up from Southern Living, which is about as far from Cooking Light as you can get (and has the cup and a half of half-and-half, four large eggs and ten strips of bacon to prove it). All three are online through MyRecipes.com so I’ll just go ahead and link to them there. I was able to make all of these with ingredients that I already had around the house, still cooking from the freezer and the pantry with what I have on hand.
Spinach and Bacon Quiche
Penne with Sage and Mushrooms
Singapore-Style Noodles
This is Hunger Action Week in King County. In 2007 I shared my thoughts on the Oregon governor’s FoodStamp Challenge. Everything I said then is true now. If anything I feel even more strongly , considering the way the country has changed in the last three years.
In theory I’m up for this challenge but having felt plenty of food insecurity not only do I have no desire to relive the experience but keeping my pantry stocked “just in case” is, hmm, obsession is too strong but let’s say it’s a high priority. So instead of tracking my spending and trying to cook from only what I bought for the week I’ve been trying to honor the spirit of the challenge by using what I have on hand in my newly reorganized pantry and my freezer. In a case of handy timing, our “junk food” cupboard is bare so there are no chips, pretzels, sodas or other prepackaged snacks in the house at the moment.
Despite all of my food-loving ways I’ve never had good luck with breads. I can whip up a quick bread, muffins, cakes, cookies, or bars with good results. Yeast breads, dinner rolls, even biscuits have been another story though. Even using a bread maker has been 50% disappointment. Seattle has many lovely local bakeries supplying the local markets with an array of fresh breads but at $3.00 to $4.50 per loaf (and with a daughter who loves bread just slightly less than potatoes and slightly more than rice in her largely white food diet) that can get spendy, especially when I know full well how inexpensive the base ingredients for bread are in comparison.
With the Hunger Awareness Challenge in mind and bread in the house running low, I decided to try again yesterday. I decided to shy away from the bread machine and try going with the Kitchen Aid and my plain ol’ oven. I couldn’t find my Kitchen Aid recipe booklet I had to rely on the handy Internet. Google helpfully turned up an entry from someone else who didn’t want to misplace their Kitchen Aid recipe again and so put it up on RecipeZaar under the name “Old Reliable” French Bread (for Kitchen Aid Mixers). How could I resist a recipe called “Old Reliable”? I couldn’t!
What do you know, it worked, too. To my shock and my family’s delight, I have successfully made two good loaves of French bread for about $1 in flour. Not quite as excellent as the $4.00 loaves from our local bakery but certainly at least as good as if not better than the $2.00 loaves from the grocery store. If not spurred on by the Hunger Awareness Challenge I wouldn’t have made this breakthrough.
I feel like I’ve been doing a reasonable job harnessing my enthusiasm to get things in order since Christmas.
We had a productive family meeting last week where we divided up household chores and established something of a schedule, which makes me very happy. Of course, we haven’t begun the schedule yet and we know that saying about plans and contact with the enemy, but just having something (a plan) where there used to be nothing (chaos) counts a progress. I’m also slowly crossing small, irregular jobs off my list.
One thing that I did this weekend was a small chore that I’ve been meaning to take care of for years. Literally for years! It took less than five minutes. Home security experts advise homeowners to replace 1/2″ screws in your deadbolt strike plates with screws 3″ or longer so the strike plates are secured to the house’s frame instead of the doorjamb. You can also replace the whole deadbolt, replace the wimpy two-screw plate with a four-screw style but even just changing out the screws in the existing hardware makes your deadbolt lock a ton more effective. I had some 3″ wood screws left over from last year’s planter box project. Zip, zip, DONE. Improved security.
Lest I seem like I’m patting myself on the back excessively, I’m not expecting anyone to be thrilled to read that I’ve replaced some screws, remembered to clean the oven, changed some light bulbs. I’m just pleased to be checking off a number off little things that had been piling up. Even small forward progress is satisfying.
I’ve also been trying out a bunch of new recipes since Christmas. I’ve had some decent luck with some recipes out of a slow cooker book I got for Christmas, from the author of the blog http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/ and the current issue of Bon Appetit as well as my tried and true go-to Cooking Light. Here’s what we’ve been eating around here: Spaghetti and meatballs all’Amatriciana, Breakfast Risotto, Crockpot Lamb, Morning Glory Muffins, Spaghetti with Fennel, Ham and Lentil Soup, Turkey Orzo Soup, Cooks Illustrated’s Turkey Tetrazzini, Three-Cheese Baked Penne, Red Pepper and Goat Cheese Fritatta from Eating Well, and Alton Brown’s Cheesy Grits. Not a bad start to the new year!
I wasn’t lying when I said I was thinking organization. Ha!
I did the same thing in January 2009, but things had slowly grown out of hand again, so I decided to build on my successes and do another reorg. Putting the booze into its own cabinet freed up an entire shelf in the pantry, which inspired me to get another couple of organizational do-dads (like tiers for the canned goods). Half-used bags of rice or beans or other “bulk” items were combined (like with like) and put into new clear, air-tight containers. I’d previously bought a bunch of metal canisters but I could never tell what was in them or how much and often bought things I already had because I couldn’t be bothered to dig to a backshelf and open canisters to check. The new set-up is definitely an improvement.
I also put an additional rack in the laundry room (where I’d added two wire storage shelves last year) which nicely hold other dry goods. One of the problems I had with my previous storge “solution” was things in bags (like pasta or beans) were getting lost in the bin system that I’d tried to set up. I moved all the bagged beans and rices to clear jars or plastic storage containers and put bags and boxes of pasta as well as jars and bottles (maple syrup, pasta sauce, various nut butters) on the new laundry room rack. Eventually I expect that will become even more of a true dry goods area.
I only uncovered a few things that had gone past their expiration dates due to being pushed back in the pantry (a couple of shelf-stable tofu boxes and some nuts) but I did uncover a surplus of cornmeal, grits, and dried beans. I’ll be working to get those supplies down to a reasonable amount now that they’ve been rediscovered.
…must be January.
I’m not sure what it is about January that drives me into a re-org frenzy. Nothing to do with it being a new year or resolutions, I think it’s more that the holiday season (my birthday, Thanksgiving, Kate’s birthday, Christmas, the New Year) brings a bunch of new stuff into the house. Gifts come in, food and drink and other holiday entertaining essentials spring up, decorations are dragged out from the nooks and crannies where they’ve been stashed all year… and as I look at the new untidiness in the calm after the storm it’s organization time.
A major relief has been getting the plumber in to finish the work of closing off our heating system from our potable water system. Our super nice plumbers came in and replaced all the piping in the water closet with lovely copper pipes and fittings, stuck a heat exchanged and pressure gauge on the heating side and replaced our ten-year-old water heater with a nice new tankless system. When they pulled out the old expansion tank it was rusted inside and full of water, a sure sign of impending failure, and I was glad to have them take away the water heater while they were at it rather than keep the thing and have to revisit this whole issue again in another few months or a year. The heating system, now that it’s closed off and held at a lower pressure, only holds about three gallons of water. In the future, should any leaks spring up they’ll be easily discovered because of the pressure gauge and with only a few gallons of water in the system the risk of catastrophic damage is removed.
A bonus to having the water heater out of the tiny water closet is that I have a tiny amount of extra storage! It’s not much but it’s enough to have a place for my brooms, mops, buckets and other small cleaning items, which were previously crowding my already crowded laundry room. (As I discovered when I had to replace my washing machine, the room is just barely big enough to hold a modern washer and dryer and still have room to open the door.)
Anyway, despite our decluttering and organizing efforts in 2009, the bottom line is that we still just have too darn much stuff! I’ve also reached my limit on how much cleaning and organizing I can take on myself. I’m allergic to dust and shirk dusting duties, but that just means the dusting doesn’t get done. I spend several months in 2009 nursing a shoulder injury that made things like even drying my hair with a towel, chopping vegetables, or scrubbing pots a painful experience. I got the thumbs up from my physical therapist to go back to normal routine at the end of the year but my first foray into vacuuming the house and scrubbing the bathtubs left me hurting. My loving family does what I ask (most of the time) but we have very few regular, assigned chores and absolutely no schedule. Instead of continuing to try to be supermom who either does it all myself or takes the blame when things don’t get done, I’ve been looking over options for assigning chores and creating a schedule. I have a pile of organizing books and home upkeep books beside the bed. Now that Kate’s back from her dad’s a family meeting is in our future. I haven’t decided exactly how the chores will be divided but we’re going to build on the organizational successes of 2009. Here we go!
I did my first round of Christmas baking today.
Today’s dishes: ginger-wasabi popcorn, fudge sauce, barbecue spice rub, sugarplums, chocolate-filled croissants, apricot rugelach, and chocolate gingerbread bundt cake.
Only one of my planned recipes met with disaster, because my oven was running a little hot. Two cookie sheets of mixed spiced nuts ended up burning. They weren’t uniformly burned, just enough so that they tasted gross. After sampling I decided to toss them.
Oh, I also made some cheddar and chive scones today. Don’t like the recipe I used as much as the Cooking Light and America’s Test Kitchen recipes for scones I’ve used in the past but they were satisfying enough with a couple of cups of coffee.
I’ve got cranberries marinating in a simple syrup for tomorrow’s two-fer recipe: sugared cranberries, with the bonus of leftover cranberry-infused simple syrup! Must mix up some cocktails with that this holiday.
Tomorrow may just be the day when I finally get the plumber into the house to install the heat exchanger and pressure gauge for our defective heating system. We got our settlement in October and have been talking with this plumber for weeks trying to schedule him to come in. I can’t imagine how frustrated I’d be if we’d actually had to go with the full-on “rip out all the walls and pipes” plan at this point, with the cold weather upon us and scheduling conflicts abounding. Fingers crossed for good news and an effective solution this week!
Kate celebrated her 14th birthday this weekend, with a girly sleepover on Friday that dragged well into Saturday afternoon. Red velvet cake was made. I used Pinch My Salt’s recipe and dirtied about every bowl in the house in the process but managed not to ruin anything in the kitchen with red food coloring. The girls were gleefully using the Domino’s online pizza creation tool to create concoctions but Chris talked them into getting their actual pizzas from Stellar Pizza so they’d be, you know, edible. One Beanie and one Fidalgo Four Cheese later and the girls settled down to watch Star Trek together. One of the girls couldn’t stay the night so I drove her home a little after midnight and, aside from having to put a stop to some rough-housing at 1am, the whole thing went off well and Kate was happy.
It was poignant for me because I’m all too aware of the changes looming in the future for these girls. Not bad changes at all, just that they’re on the road to becoming lovely young adults. The girl who left early had to do so because she needed to spend the weekend working on her high school applications! Some of these girls have known each other since kindergarten but with Seattle’s new school boundaries they’re all most likely going to different schools by next year. Some are applying to private schools or magnet schools or out-of-district schools because the choices we’re presented are difficult or dubious.
Kate’s got three options under the new school plan. One is a small alternative school that had historically been good but last year was merged into a building with another orphaned program and an existing middle school. Parents complained that the new building didn’t have proper science labs for high school science requirements, the building has several million in needed building upgrades that haven’t been addressed because of the Seattle budget crisis, etc. There’s not even a Nova school webpage anymore, so I don’t know what to expect from that program, though it is a natural transition for kids from a school like Orca (250 or so kids, alternative education curriculum).
The second option is a new math and science magnet school. This is currently a regular high school in a recently upgraded building. It’s the closest HS to our house and currently one of the worst programs in the city (lowest WASL scores… frex, less than 7% of students passing
the state’s science requirement, highest dropout rate, highest suspension rate, lowest SATs). The new superintendent has decided to remake this school into a School of Science, Technology, Engineering & Math (STEM). The school will have accelerated math and science “academies” and an extra-long school day to add an additional full period. High focus on math and science with few to no options for electives and extra-curriculars and a school population of 1600 students. Kate is good at math and science and is currently on track to be able to enter HS having completed freshman math but that’s all a huge switch from her educational experience up to this point. No idea if it would be a welcome change or a complete disaster for her.
The last option is the default high school: a failing high school with about 1500 students where 1/4 of freshman fail to earn the 5 credits necessary to advance, where only 28% meet standard in math and 18% meet standard in science. And, of course, there’s also the issue of gang problems in the big Seattle high schools. Not exactly high on my list of places to send my child.
Of course all of this is what I see through my mom glasses. The kids are only vaguely aware of what lies ahead for them, nervous but excited about high school’s opportunities. Four years of high school seems like a long way off and long time to get through when you’re 14. When you’re 40 and looking back at how fast those 14 years have flown by, being one high school career away from adulthood is more akin to a race car hurtling into the final lap, checkered flag in sight.
Speaking of mothers, my mom called Kate for her birthday and then talked to me for a while. She shared the results of some of her recent medical tests and will be needing more surgery in 2010, this time it’ll be removing a section of her colon and will be a much bigger deal than the relatively minor sinus surgery. She hasn’t talked to the surgeon yet so I don’t know what the timeline is. She seems to think that she can put it off until the summer but I told her to let me know what the surgeon actually says. I suppose there’s a chance that this will spoil the cruise we’re supposed to take with Kate’s class in May and, of course, if our experience with her sinus surgery is any indication she’s going to need a lot of outside help with her recovery whenever this surgery takes place. I’m steeling myself, as I will inevitably be called up for duty.
Nothing to be done about it now, so I’m setting my sights on Christmas and chugging ahead towards the new year. Must decide on a holiday menu since it will be just the three of us for the first time in years.
It all started around my birthday. I got a great response to my call for birthday recipes and my head was swimming with the possibilities. Chris threw me a delightful brunch with a dozen friends, rich with food and cocktails. In fact, it was Serafina’s first day with their new seasonal menu and everything but two Serafina standards was new to me.
A few days into my 41st year, I was assaulted by yet another food extravaganza! I choose the word assaulted on purpose because I’ve never had an experience quite like it. Ray and I went out to Elemental @Gasworks which I hadn’t even heard of before let alone been to (I’m a bit out of the loop on the hot new high end places these days) but Ray had and thought I would enjoy. I’m glad Ray had been to the restaurant before and warned me a bit about it because it apparently has a bit of a negative reputation with some foodies and I could easily have been put off by the experience if I hadn’t been warned in advance. Here’s the deal: if you’re going to go to Elemental, you’d best be prepared to have the experience wash over you and be willing to go with it. Host and owner Phred Westfall said approximately five sentences to us through the entire multi-course dinner. He offered us a table, asked us if we were ready for a cocktail, asked if we had any food allergies, and um, pretty much nothing else. There was no pretense, no gushing over how the greens were locally sourced or this vintage of wine came from the Yakima region. Nothing. No explanation whatsoever. When a small poultry dish of some sort was set in front of us I actually tried to ask Phred if it was quail or something else… but he dropped the plate and was off again without a word of acknowledgement. Another time I had fallen behind on the wine pairings, to the point that I hadn’t even tasted the glass in front of me when he was ready to serve the next course… and there went the wine glass, bye-bye, I don’t even get to taste it because it no longer goes with the food in front of me. the lighting was also very dark, so honestly it was hard to see what we were eating! I can really see how this would rub some food-lovers the wrong way!
That said, I had a fabulous dinner. The food was EXQUISITE. Yes, many times I was forced to stick my finger in a sauce and say “I think it’s mustard… and hazelnut…” or “Yes, there’s some sort of fish with this salad… I’m not sure what it is… it’s GOOD though.” I had the best lamb chops I’ve ever had in my life, that had me unashamedly gnawing the bones to get every scrap of meat right in a public restaurant. Each course was served with a generous pour of a paired wine and wow, by the time we finished dinner I was a little woozy. I wish I could even remember (or knew to begin with) what I’d eaten! It was lovely and they’re clearly very talented, kind of the anti-Herbfarm (where they give you a little menu of what you’ve eaten as a keepsake).
The following week I took advantage of another birthday gift, this one from John and Jenny, who gave me a gift certificate to Theo Chocolate. Wednesday night I attended one of their Chocolate University classes, “Chocolate: Exotic and Erotic” where I learned how to make simple chocolate scrubs, lotions, and lip balms in the first half and then listened to a lecturer from Babeland (NSFW) who delved into the erotic and sensual (chocolate lotion, chocolate candles, chocolate body paint, and ahem, more) and was a great presenter, lots of humor. I passed on picking up a “better then chocolate vibrator” but did gluttonously spend the rest of my gift certificate plus some picking up assortments of chocolates (including their collection of scotch-infused chocolates, using great single malts like Oban and Talisker!) and several seasonal varieties plus a couple of body scrubs and lotions from our earlier presenter, whose products I was familiar with already.
Rounding out November was Thanksgiving. We spent this Thanksgiving with John and Jenny and their extended family, which was a great deal more fun than staying home just the three of us let me tell you! We participated in the potluck dinner by contributing Kate’s favorite Pumpkin Pie (which she made herself) plus some Wild Rice Stuffing, a cranberry-pear-ginger cobbler (recipe I’ll post later) and a cranberry-vanilla bean sorbet that didn’t set up properly in the ice cream maker but was really yummy anyway. We ate SO MUCH, sampling everything we brought, plus turkey, gravy, bread stuffing, brussels sprouts, grean beans, and more. So good, a really nice night.
I’ve bene doing a little more cooking again after a bit of a hiatus where Dragon Age consumed me and pizza, beer, and xbox sounded like the best thing in the world. I’m better now. A couple of the recipes I’ve been particularly pleased with include Ancho Pork and Hominy Stew and this Corn, Clam and Mussel Chowder, without the mussels.
I’ve been tinkering again with my website, hoping to find a better way of displaying my recipes for people who want to browse or print them but I’m still unhappy with the way things are so I’ll keep limping along with the current format for now, I suppose.
First off, thanks to everyone who helped make my birthday so great! Getting all the messages with recipes of all stripes from so many of you was like opening up dozens of little birthday presents. I was positively inundated and it was a delight. I’m still deciding exactly how I want to put the birthday book together, so if you still want to send something to me but were afraid it was too late, please do. I’ll finalize the book after Christmas sometime, I think.
We’re still in limbo on the heating issue. I have been exchanging e-mail with a plumber who I hope will come and install a pressure gage and a heat exchanger so we can keep an eye on the system and reduce the chances of anything truly catastrophic happening while we limp through this winter (and try to figure out how to get the additional tens of thousands of dollars a full “rip out all the walls” replacement of the existing system).
I swear everything in the house is choosing this time to break down! Not only am I dealing with the heating system BS and coaxing the clothes dryer to limp along for just a while longer but the dishwasher is not getting the dishes clean and it seems to be intermittently leaking. Then his morning when I went to the refrigerator (the refurb fridge I bought a couple years ago when our came-with-the-house fridge died) and the inside was HOT. Not just warm, not “oh, the door didn’t get shut all the way” room temp, but hot enough to melt the butter I had on the top shelf. Why? Apparently something broke somewhere and the inside lights were on ALL NIGHT even though the door was closed. The bulbs got so hot they melted the cover of the fixture (which fell off into the fridge) and proceeded to heat up everything else within 10–12 inches. I had to unscrew the bulbs to shut the lights off and they were so blisteringly hot that even working with an oven mitt and (eventually) a leather glove, I still managed to slip and burn a blister on my finger. Lovely way to star the day. Ha.
My mother came up for an unexpected visit after my birthday and it was fun to see her. She sat in the kitchen with me, reading over my recipe books and cooking magazines while I turned the last of the summer tomatoes into marinara sauce and whipped up a dinner from The Herbfarm Cookbook (pork tenderloin so good that Kate had seconds, took it in her lunch, and begged me to make it again within the week). She’s driving down to Arizona at the end of this week to be around for my grandmother, who is having yet another medical issue (this time multiple lumps in her breast) on top of her heart problems and failing kidneys from the last two near death episodes. Mom wanted me to drive down with her but I just don’t have it in me. I hope I don’t regret not going. Grandma wrote to tell me she fully expects “another miracle” but every time something new comes up I can’t help worrying that this will be the one. Mom promises to keep me informed.
Meanwhile Pramas and I have been tag-teaming the several hours a day to research the ins and outs and every minute aspect of Dragon Age: Origins now that it’s available for the Xbox. When Chris was working on Box Set 1 for the tabletop game he had access to documents with much of this information in spreadsheet or table form but seeing it all put together and working with the visuals and the game play is a different beast and very inspirational. I’m LOVING the game, it’s exactly the sort of game I want. The depth of characters, the richness of the world, the ability to do more than just roam from room to room killing things… I’m a sucker for the writing, the voice acting, the development of the NPCs. I adore the refinements to the relationship system with each Bioware release. I’m finishing up my second run through and already plotting my third. In short, Bioware owns me. Good thing we’ll soon have the tabletop game out (it’s been out for approvals for a while now and I’m biting my nails to nubs hoping we can get it approved and out to stores before the end of the year!) because I’m smitten with the world and want to explore more. Speaking of, I think my shift is starting any minute now. Fereldon here I come.
It’s November and that means my annual cycle of introspection has begun. I turn 40 in less than a week and looking around there’s a lot of change in the air. I’d hoped to go to Belize, see the Mayan ruins and dive or snorkel on the reefs, take a floating tour through jungle cave complexes. Maybe I’ll do that for 45 instead. This year is a close to home year. We put in a patio, bought a grill and some furniture to put on it, built those raised beds I’ve wanted for years. It was a good substitute. I enjoyed the heck out of that patio this summer.
It’s also been a strange time for my social group. The couple who were the bedrock of our “chosen family” since Kate was small broke up this year and without them as a central touch point, other peripheral relationships have fallen away. Friends have continued to spin off in other directions, taking jobs in new cities or countries, skipping conventions or other “gamer socials” in favor of time with family. I understand it, I support their decisions… they’re the right ones. I still miss them. It’s been a year of establishing strange, new equilibriums.
One thing that hasn’t changed, though I haven’t been blogging about it as much this year, is the joy I get from food and cooking. My heart is full of food memories, my head is full of inspirations to make and (high on my success in the new garden beds) grow. I may not have any family jewels to pass on to Kate but I have a treasure trove of tastes and smells and memories in food form, sweet and spicy, simple and decadent, special.
So, here we are. My birthday request: for my birthday I’d like a recipe from you. Yes, you. You may not ever comment, may never have admitted that you even read this blog. You and I may not agree on much of anything, may not have spoken in years, may not ever have met outside of the internet… that doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s precisely the POINT of my request: I may have specific memories of Stan!‘s deviled eggs or Linda’s crockpot lasagna, the year Catherine and I made that glorious mustard-pickle (the recipe for which I’ve since lost (SOB)) or the time Christine introduces me to my first bagna cauda but I want to make sure I have a memory of YOU, too.
On Sunday I’m having a birthday brunch. Several friends will be there to celebrate with me. Many more, if not most, of the other people I know, interact with, and enjoy will not be there. You game industry friends, far-flung relatives, former co-workers, and people who lurk, hit this blog looking for recipes, send me feedback, or tell me at conventions or parties how much they like something they’ve found on my blog and made for themselves…you won’t be there and that makes my world seem so much smaller than it really is.
Please send me a recipe. You can send me an e-mail at nikchick@aol.com, or message me through Livejournal, or Facebook, or Nikchick.com. Maybe it’s a recipe that makes you think of me. Maybe it’s a recipe that will make me think of you. Something simple, something complex, something you love! I’m going to compile my birthday recipes and get them bound into a book for myself, a keepsake of my time with food and people to this point, something I can use over the next 40 years. That’s what I want for my birthday!
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